The Kingdoms We Build: The Differences Between Men and Women

Disclaimer:

This post is based on my observations of the sexes as a whole. While there are certainly outliers and individual differences, I’ve found these to be the primary distinctions between men and women. The intention here is to foster understanding and appreciation for each other’s roles, not to cast any gender in a positive or negative light. It is purely educational, based on personal experiences, tests, and observations. Men and women are equal in the value of roles and responsibilities in life, and no one should be considered higher or lower than the other. Our focuses, desires, and ideals may differ, but they ought to be treated equally. The key to this is knowledge and understanding. I hope this post simplifies the topic without oversimplifying the complexity of human beings, and that it proves helpful to you, the reader.

The Medieval Metaphor of Life’s Purpose

In medieval symbolism, I find a helpful way to describe the fundamental purposes I believe men and women tend to gravitate toward in life:

• Men’s purpose in life is to obtain and protect beauty.

• Women’s purpose in life is to create and become beauty.

These ideas may apply to both physical and metaphysical aspects of life.

Men: Fortifying and Protecting Beauty Within the Kingdom

Men’s approach to beauty often centers around the defense of it. Much like knights in medieval times, men seek to fortify the walls of the kingdom and defend it from external threats. They do this by:

• Building a strong reputation within the community.

• Fending off intruders, which may include enemies, negative influences, or anything that threatens their family, community, or country.

• Producing work and providing resources to ensure safety, stability, and prosperity.

The "kingdom" they protect might be a physical location, their family, their job, or even their country. Men make personal sacrifices to ensure that the beauty they value is protected and upheld.

Women: Creating and Nurturing Beauty Within the Castle

Women, in contrast, focus on cultivating beauty within the kingdom. This happens through:

• Nurturing and building meaningful relationships (with partners, family, or friends).

• Creating a harmonious home environment or engaging in artistic endeavors.

• Striving to embody beauty in their personal growth and within the roles they choose.

This idea of beauty is not restricted to a nuclear family but can extend to relationships with close friends, extended family, pets, or anyone in their inner circle. Women’s primary motivation seems to lie in relationships that are close and meaningful.

The Interdependence Between Men and Women’s Roles

"Nevertheless, in the Lord woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. For as woman came from man, so also man is born of woman. But everything comes from God." 1 Corinthians 11: 11 & 12

The two roles are interdependent. If there is no beauty to protect within the walls, men may lose motivation to defend their kingdom. Without something or someone worth protecting, the sacrifice may feel pointless.

On the other hand, if the kingdom’s walls are unprotected and the land remains unsafe, women may lose the will to nurture and cultivate beauty. When the kingdom is under threat, the ability to create beauty feels fragile and uncertain.

What We Desire in Each Other and Disillusions that Can Happen

• Women’s desires: Women want a man who can defeat dragons—someone who is brave, resilient, and capable of protecting the kingdom. This desire leads many women to be attracted to “bad boys,” believing they have the qualities necessary to defend and protect. However, the disappointment often comes when they discover that those qualities are only applied for the man's personal gain rather than truly protecting the kingdom.

• Men’s desires: Men want a woman who is beautiful—someone who is nurturing, creative, and capable of building meaningful relationships. This desire leads to many men being attracted to outer physical beauty, believing that the outer beauty reflects the soul within. However, the disappointment comes when they discover that the woman's focus is only on beautifying self instead of truly making the entire kingdom and it's inner workings beautiful.

  
  

The Need for Balance in Beauty

• Women should understand that true beauty goes beyond physical appearance. The soul, character, and relationships must be nurtured to become fully beautiful. This includes relationships with family, friends, and, most importantly, oneself. Above all, women must cultivate a relationship with the Creator, who offers guidance on what true beauty is.

• Men should recognize that there are many ways to defend their kingdom. While physical strength is important, qualities like intelligence, leadership, compassion, patience, and resourcefulness are equally vital. Men must seek to develop these traits and seek counsel from the King (the Creator), who exemplifies the full range of these qualities.

  
  

Practical Advice for Both Men and Women

For Men:

• Develop a variety of skills to tackle whatever challenges come your way.

• Strive to be well-rounded-tough and resilient, but also wise, patient, and compassionate.

• Don’t neglect your relationships. Your kingdom—the people you protect—is a source of strength and rest.

• Take time to enjoy the fruits of your labor, and remember to rest. A Sabbath is essential for ongoing success.

• Honor and cherish the beauty of your wife, treating her as your Queen and not as a servant.

For Women:

• Strive to learn and grow from others. Other kingdoms are there for inspiration and not for competition.

• When the kingdom is safe, don’t hesitate to create and cultivate beauty in every area of your life—whether it’s through personal growth, relationships, or creative endeavors.

• Take time to enjoy the fruits of your labor, and remember to rest. A Sabbath is essential for seeing the value of the beauty that you are creating.

• Show respect and gratitude toward your husband, the one who keeps your kingdom safe.

• If you’re married, honor your husband as your King, not as a child or house guest.

  
  

Closing Thoughts

In the past, society has often failed to appreciate the contributions of each gender, leading to disrespect and misunderstanding. The pendulum of recognition and appreciation seems to go from one extreme to the other, but it doesn't need to be this way. It is my hope that, through reflection and mutual respect, we can honor the different roles men and women play in the world. Let’s build our kingdoms with pride, appreciating and supporting one another.

May God bless the sacrifices you make for your kingdom, and may we all strive to show love and respect toward each other.